Parenting

5 Minute Choose a Piece of Candy

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We still have Halloween candy left over. Each child has theirs in a plastic bag. So, for dessert or snack, they will get to choose a piece of candy to eat. However, it’s not that simple. Every single time, they must dump out all of the candy and look over each piece. I realized that this takes them a long time to do. It could be 20 minutes later and they still haven’t chosen a piece of candy.

So, one day I set the time for 5 minutes and told them they only had 5 minutes to choose. They must have chosen their piece of candy and have all the candy back in the bag before the 5 minutes is over. If they aren’t done, they’ve lost the opportunity to have a piece of candy. Of course, like normal children, they did not finish in 5 minutes and then there was pouting. 5 minutes should be enough time!

I think that if I remember to implement this idea again and again, they might finally start to understand the concept of being quick to choose. I don’t know.

A Busy Christmas Season

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Now that my kids are older, I want to get out do more things for Christmas. In the past, I’ve felt restricted because I was either pregnant and didn’t feel well or thought my kids were too young and didn’t feel brave to venture out with them.

Three kids later, I have changed that perspective. Although, it helps that my youngest is almost 3. Every day this past week, we’ve had something to do in town -whether it be see Santa, watch a parade, watch a tree lighting, or some other festive event. I like getting out and being in the middle of things. I want to experience life. It can be hard when you have kids since they naturally can restrict your activities due to their age. I also want to establish traditions with my children, to build good memories of the holidays.

My dilemma comes in when I question whether I am doing something selfishly and not putting my kid’s needs first. Should I be so busy? Is it hard on them? If we were home, they would just gravitate toward the TV. I know that my kids might not like everything I do and they just have to deal with it sometimes. It’s definitely a balance.

We might not be able to afford water!

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bathtub

I caught myself telling this lie to one of my children.

Backstory -I get very frustrated when my kids waste water taking their bath. At times, they will turn on the water, let it run without putting the plug down, waiting for it to get hot. They leave the bathroom and then forget about the running water. Wasted water.

Other times, they will not watch the tub being filled and have it almost overflow.

Now, as a parent, I have some responsibility in this. I should be watching them. Usually, my oldest is responsible enough to do baths on her own while I spend time with the other kids or work on my own thing. However, it is not unusual for her to get distracted and forget.

So… the other night, oldest child was already in the tub, but then decided she needed more water, bringing it to a level that is really high and more than necessary. In doing so, she was also using up all the hot water for the other baths. Anyway, I notice the water height and start telling/lecturing her how we have to pay for all the water she uses, maybe I should charge her for the water usage, and then I said if you keep using alot, we might not be able to afford water. Really? That’s not true. In the grand scheme of things, water isn’t that expensive or so expensive that I would actually have to turn it off.

This got me to thinking. Why do I say crazy stuff to my kids? They probably know full well, it’s an empty threat. I get so frustrated at what I perceive as irresponsibility. In my head I’m thinking “Don’t you know?”. “Don’t you know that you need to be more responsible?” “Haven’t I told you this a thousand times?” “Shouldn’t you remember by now?”

In reality, they’re just kids. Kids do things like this or maybe it’s just my kids. As a parent, it’s part of my responsibility to teach them how to be responsible with things like water conservation. I’m sure I could do this without flipping out over the water usage and hurling empty threats.

Child Training or Babysitting?

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The idea of a parent training one’s child for adulthood and life sounds like common sense. However I got to thinking about it. Do I really focus on “training” my child? I realized that I often expect my kids to pick things up on their own.

As I thought about how I grew up, I don’t feel like my parents intentionally “trained” me or taught me life skills. My parents were not around that often, so I was left alone. I had to teach myself how to keep a home, how to clean, how to do laundry, how to do life.

How is this reflected in my own parenting? I used to feel like a babysitter. Like my job was to watch the kids all day long until they went to bed. It finally dawned on me that my job as a parent is to teach my children, to train them up. It sounds like that should be common sense, but sadly it wasn’t. No, I didn’t necessarily leave my children to do their own thing all the time. I did teach them some things, but I don’t think I realized the enormity of my job.

If I asked my kids to clean their room or pick up toys, it never occurred to me that I needed to teach them to do it. I just expected them to pick it up somehow & know where to put things, like I did.

I think I also expect them to react appropriately in social situations. This again, is where training comes in. I was never trained/guided in this area, but wish I had been. As a result, it doesn’t come naturally for me to look for opportunities to train my children. I have to be intentional. I can’t just let my kids argue & bicker and figure it out. I have to teach them the right way to respond when provoked or not provoked. They have to be taught in order to know what to practice.

Maybe by the last child, I’ll have this down pat.